thanks to my lizzy b.

http://www.shadk.com/

Liz sent me this link in response to my trauma post, specifically the song "I'll never understand."

Tonight there was a full-time CPTer visiting us, she's in Palestine now, but she was part of the Iraq team last year. She told a story about a member of the Muslim Peacemaker Teams who got a number of email threats, and finally had a death threat pinned to his door, so he bought a gun. Even though he had no idea how to use it. Finally one day he was shot at, and he jumped back and fell down, and felt something dig into his back. He realized later it was the gun he'd forgotten about at that key moment. It seriously bruised him in the fall, his only injury from being shot at.
She told this story as a joke. And that more than anything brought forward to me how you have to think differently when you live in situations of tension and violence. Finding the humour in events like that is a coping mechanism. I guess it just really struck me, how terrifying to think how people's minds are inevitably shaped by "bad stuff" that they have to live with every day. Just imagine what that would do to you, growing up with that Fear Every Day. I mean, you could be optomistic and think, how wonderful that people continue to find humour in terrible situations. But...I'm just not there today.
End of that MPT member's story: he's okay, he was able to get out of Iraq.
Another MPT member was killed within the last few months.

scott adams

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/03/the_meaning_of_.html

aftermath: "The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past."

I've been wanting to write a blog post for a while, but I've been so overwhelmed by the variety of experiences I'd want to share with you all, I never know where to start, and so nothing goes up.

A few events do feel linked by the concept of aftermath. The quote in the title is from William Faulkner.

As I mentioned previously, I was at a two day trauma workshop the week before last. One particularly interesting bit was about how we process memories. How normally it's one part of the brain (the rational bit), but at times of high emotion the lower brain kicks in, which is why sometimes people don't have memories, or have fragments, or have abnormally clear memories, of traumatic events. I'm not trying to be particularly clear science-wise, but somehow for your lower brain, there is no linear time, there is only now, so if your memories are built while that brain's going strong, 'the past isn't past.' Which obviously, is crucial in trauma recovery.

That Tuesday evening I was at my regular bi-monthly Jewish/Christian dialogue circle, and it was eerie how one woman especially embodied everything I'd just learned about individuals who have internalized and carried on cultural trauma. I'm glad I saw that behaviour in the context of the circle though, because instead of having it lead me to say, 'Judaism! Prime example of internalized cultural trauma!' I actually saw several other folk who clearly had not internalized the trauma in a dysfunctional way, but because they shared common story with this woman, were able to talk her into a slightly healthier way of feeling. Question raised: Why do some individuals process historical trauma more constructively than others?

Just this last Monday I was at an evening were a group presented a report on the question of truth recovery in Northern Ireland. This event raised ambivalent feelings for me, because it was on the one hand, just another gorgeous report, and who will read it? On the other hand, they were so practical and realistic, and they were trying to concretely address the pitfalls of trying to rebuild a healthier society, after decades of fear and violence.

This Friday was also the one year anniversary of the CPT hostages being released. Here we celebrated with the publication of Norman Kember's book (Hostage in Iraq), and a vigil to remember Tom Fox, as well as to protest the ongoing violence in Iraq.

I could probably write my own book about all the quandries and memories these events raise for me.

I obviously need to read the book, but the media hype that has trailed Norman since his return frustrates me. I know as well as the next peacenik the importance of the media and the need to capitalize on it when it comes your way. At the same time, I hate seeing it threaten to swallow someone. And how hard it is to maintain the truth of their actions and intentions in its intentionally twisting light.

On top of that, I've really struggled here with how people (for the record, not at all Norman himself, but all the people like me, who are a couple of degrees removed) have latched so strongly onto their local hero, they have no view at all of the other hostages, let alone Tom Fox, or why CPT was in Iraq. We should clearly celebrate Norman's release, but shouldn't we also still be passionately working around the issues what made him go to Iraq to begin with?

I'm probably more worked up about this because, chatting with a friend after the book launch, he mentioned Tom Fox, and I realized how even for me, the entire crisis last year has become emobodied in Norman. Tom Fox's family will continue to grieve indefinitely. And in a purely self-centred way, learning about Tom Fox's death was a turning point for me in deciding to come here and work for CPT. How could I have lost sight of these things?

In any case, it's been a week of being confronted by "undead" memories. But it's also been a week where I've witnessed first hand people choosing to live constructively with the past.

And on a completely different note:
http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~marekm/projects/beatbots/

I'm not sure if this is the cutest, or most disturbing thing I've seen since sliced bread. Contrary to some opinions, I don't think it diminishes the need for real children.

And on another, yet vaguely related note:
http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2007/03/the_banality_of.html

CPTnet

14 March 2007
HEBRON: CPTers, Palestinians and internationals commemorate Tom Fox


On Friday 9 March 2007, Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) in Hebron held a short memorial service to mark the first anniversary of the death of CPTer Tom Fox in Iraq. Fox was killed after kidnappers held him hostage for four months. During the short commemoration, the group planted an olive tree beside the CPT apartment.

Approximately fifty Palestinians, internationals and members of the CPT Hebron team met beside the Ibrahimi Mosque/Gutnick Center, before walking in two groups to the dividing fence and gate outside the CPT apartment. The fence prevents Palestinian access from the Old City market to Shuhada Street.

Palestinians, along with CPTers Ilse Muehlsteph and Abigail Ozanne, walked through the Old City market with the tree. The internationals, along with CPTers Art Arbour and Jan Benvie, walked up Shuhada Street with a commemorative plaque. The two groups met on either side of the gate beside the CPT apartment. Arbour welcomed the guests, then CPTer Kathie Uhler read a few words of Fox's last writing from Iraq, entitled 'Why are we here?"
(See http://www.cpt.org/archives/2005/dec05/0007.html)

During the memorial event, the participants passed from one side of the gate to the other, to show the need to transcend barriers in order to make peace.
(CPTers found the gate chain broken open some weeks ago.) Children from the Old City, symbolizing hope for the future, planted the olive tree beside the fence.

The gathering ended with tea and cookies in the street beside the CPT apartment. David Wilder, a spokesperson of the Hebron settler community, came to photograph the participants, but declined an offer to join either the commemoration or share in the tea and cookies. Later in the afternoon, the Israeli military came and re-locked the gate.

For photos of the event, see
http://www.cpt.org/gallery/003-09-Tom-Fox-Memorial-Event
.


A map of the center of Hebron is at
http://www.reliefweb.int/rw/fullMaps_Sa.nsf/0/5618737E38C0B3DE8525708C004BA5
84/$File/ocha_OTS_hebron_oPt010805.pdf?OpenElement
584/$File/ocha_OTS_hebron_oPt010805.pdf?OpenElement> .

hopeful

So apparently this is taking place in Boston as a lead up to a big anti-war demonstration on March 24th. A friend of mine is one of the red dots! Apparently I get to take a small piece of the credit for getting him pumped about this stuff. Woo-hoo for mutual upbuilding! Let's all encourage each other! Woot! Woot!

At a dialogue the other day several of the older women were feeling pretty discouraged about building peace. That said, I know one man in his seventies who is still working for peace in Israel/Palestine. I guess my point is, it's easy to get discouraged, but...there's hope. So, here's to all the red dots out there, still trying!

good times, trauma and sin

I had the opportunity to write a mini-sermon to be shared with my congregation back home this week. I focussed on "sin." Which was a whole new world for me. Now today and tomorrow I'm at a workshop on peacebuilding in situations of trauma.

Heavy. Terribly heavy, and I'm not even traumatized. I can't even imagine trying to exercise these ways of thinking in situations of real trauma. One minor though significant thing I did pull out of today, is that our body's reactions to stress (example, shaking, twitching) is natural, and it's healthier to just let your body do its thing than to hold it back just because (for example) you're embarrassed to spasm as you walk down the street to the tube. Apparently after situations of extreme stress such things as dancing and massage are as useful as talk therapy. I now have even more motivation to go out next week-end.

Going out last week-end I was disappointed at the focus on drinking rather than said dancing. And I wondered if it was a cultural thing, or if we just hit a bad venue. Even now I don't understand the appeal of going somewhere so loud you have to yell to have a conversation. I mean, if you aren't there to dance, why are you there? That said it was good times. I rambled on about collective sin, and my friend talked about investment banking, and I can only hope she was as intrigued as I was by our totally different worlds.

If you're interested in reading my sermon, just drop me a line and I'll email you a copy.

@.@

http://www.uglyrumours.com/

Free music!

www.psalters.com

check out media, then audio

I like it, but even more, it's free!

Willard Wigan

http://www.willard-wigan.com/